| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2004|11:00 pm] |
I have been gone bc I have been happy.
I never write in this journal when I am feeling happy and well-adjusted.
Because I am writing in it now...well, you get the picture.
I am a disgusting combination of eater's remorse and self-loathing.
I actually felt like purging today which never happens.
I didn't. Not sure how I feel about that. |
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| headway |
[Nov. 24th, 2003|09:58 am] |
well, althought it's not much...it's progress.
I had an excellent weekend and I now weigh 126.
My only mistake was a macaroon, which I made about 4 dozen of for company and church. I had to taste one because I wasn't about to send them out to strangers without knowing if I accidentally used salt instead of sugar...or something equally moronic. Oh, and I had a cosmopolitan saturday night. Bad me.
Our jogger got stolen, so no taking the little one for a run today. :(
The holidays are coming and I am totally freaked out.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2003|05:53 pm] |
Sorry I've been gone.
I'm on an effing pendulum now.
Swinging back and forth like a looney.
Powerless to stop it.
I am so depressed right now it's hard to breathe.
I'll spare you the details...but basically me, some tacos, and some major guilt.
I feel like I am starting all over.
*gag* |
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| Today's Goal |
[Nov. 4th, 2003|09:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
I am not going to compartmentalize today.
My life is a tapestry today.
It is not a group of shoeboxes with different items in each box...which is my tendancy.
I'm going to let the joy that is mostly me shine and break all of my walls down.
I am going to be open.
I am also going to eat 777 calories today.
I know. It's lame. But if I only do it today then the milk shouldn't be affected.
I used to only eat 500 a day when I was at my most neurotic.
I do miss being 105.........sigh.
Anyone who says it's not worth it is lying.
It's so worth it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2003|08:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
It was a wierd weekend.
Tears and fights with the significant other.
Baby was a sweetheart but I worry she is picking up on our anger towards eachother.
We made up.
It's better.
I gained half a pound.
I ate an english muffin this morning that was like an orgasm.
A British-bread orgasm.
Coffee.
I am not counting calories right now. I think I'm scared to go there just yet. I will wait until the baby is 6 months. It will be after Christmas and new years.
I don't want to screw up and have to ween her due to lack of milk.
Plus, using up 500 extra calories a day never hurt anyone.
I'm bored.
I'm boring. |
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| The Stomach Flu |
[Oct. 31st, 2003|08:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
Well, thanks to a nasty bug I have lost a pound a half. Not much.
But it's significant in that I have broke into the "20's"
I now weigh 128.5.
I promised myself I would do something monumental for myself once I broke that barrier.
I did. I barfed for 2 days. Ugh.
I know it's a fluke because of fluids, etc, so I'm going to have to be very diligent when my appetite comes back. We'll see how it goes.
I sooo do not want to go to this Halloween party tonight.
I mean...how corny.
My ideal costume right now is a wallflower. |
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| a note on loosing control |
[Oct. 28th, 2003|09:19 am] |
It might be the worst feeling in the world, no matter what realm of life it occurs.
I have mental collapses during the following:
1. Getting hopelessly lost while driving.
2. Any occassion where I have eater's remorse
3. Crying in public over, well, anything
4. Other people misplacing my things and making me unable to find them. (i.e. mother borrowing my most fabulous black sandals, claiming she doesn't have them and yet...where are they? It's yet to be seen.)
I had a dream I was flying over a lake full of alligators.
I am deathly afraid of alligators.
They are like sharks that can come on land...so wrong!
Craved protein yesterday...the milk factor. They say when you are nursing you need more protein. My failure of the day was the TBS of peanut butter. Oh, and I ate the skin on my chicken. That was more laziness than anything else.
I need to run today, and yet here I sit on this effing box. bye bye. |
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